7 February, 2019

Grief is a journey….. 2 years on

Comments : 4 Posted in : Bereavement on 07/02/2019 by : rachgriff@hotmail.com

Two years ago today we lost Greg. In the build up to this anniversary, I’ve been reflecting, and the one thing that has struck me, is that ‘time waits for no man’. In the blink of an eye, we are 2 years on from that day. Back then I was a Mum of a baby and a child who was just starting Junior school. I’m now Mum to a child who is a few months from starting school full time, whilst the other is just a year away from Comprehensive school! This is why I’m more determined than ever to let my time be fulfilled with what makes me and the boys happy. When you think about it, all of us are getting closer to death each day. Time is running out for us all, and I don’t want to reach my deathbed without actually living first.

Grief is a journey and one quote that sums this up is the following: “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same. Nor would you want to.”

Back at the start, just leaving the house to do the school run felt like I was climbing Everest, such was the magnitude of putting on a front and facing people. Things do get easier and I’ll be forever grateful to the parents on the school run and others in my community for their kindness and support.

However, when I wake in the morning, I still have a split second of gut wrenching realisation of what has been, and that it is just me and the boys now. But this passes and I then have an overwhelming sense of gratefulness. I’m grateful that I’m actually here drawing breath and have the day ahead of me. We should never, ever take that for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I still get times when I feel that life is unfair, but as I always say, I cannot change what has happened so I need to make the best of my situation. As a family we are so fortunate in so many ways. Yes we’ve lost a Husband and Dad, but because of the hard working person that Greg was, we have been left without many of the everyday worries that so many have. More importantly, because he was so loved and respected, we’ve been left with much support and friendship. The legacy. Recently I was having a coffee with a couple of Greg’s colleagues and we reflected that out of the tragedy of losing Greg we now have a strong friendship. That’s all down to the fact that he was such a thoroughly decent person. It takes a special sort of person to cause that sort of effect. He would be so pleased that I’ve made such friends to hone my barista and baking skills on!

I’m sure many of Greg’s friends, family and colleagues will be thinking of him today and I hope that they do so with a smile. Greg was a person who ultimately wanted to be liked and respected and he achieved that by being so kind, well mannered and of course comical! He would always light up a room with his cheeky smile, and although he’s not here in person, his light continues to shine on. I think the best way to honour Greg’s memory today is to be ‘a bit more Greg’. By that I mean we should all have a kind word and a smile for somebody else. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if we did?

Thank you all for your ongoing support x